HUMOUR & FOOD FOR THOUGHT

COMMANDMENTS

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to honour thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

A TALKING HORSE

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey! Come over here, buddy!"

The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"

The horse replies, "Sure was. Man, I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this stupid farmer bought me. Now all I do is pull a ploUGH, and I'm sick of it.
Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5000 to buy me. I'll make you some money because I can still run."

The jogger thinks to himself, "Boy, a talking horse!" Dollar signs start appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and finds the old farmer sitting on the porch. The jogger yells to the farmer, "Hey, old man, I'll give you $5000 for that broken-down old nag you've got in the field."

The farmer replies, "Son, this has happened before. You can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."

PHRASES OF WISDOM

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

WHO WILL PROVIDE?

A young woman brought her fiance to visit her parents. After a nice dinner, the father invited the fiance to the library for a talk.

"So what are your plans?" he asked the young man.

"I am a seminary student," he replied.

"A seminary student. Hmmm," said the father. "Admirable, but how will you provide a home for my daughter?"

"I will study," the young man said, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her an engagement ring, such as she deserves?"

"I will focus on my studies and God will provide for us."

"And how will you support your children?"

"Don't worry, sir. God will provide."

The conversation continued like this; each time the father questioned, the young man insisted that God would provide.

Later, when the mother asked about the male conversation, the father sighed, "Well, he has no job and no plan, but the good news is: he thinks I'm God!"

THUNDERSTORM

When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed.

Glimpsing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining enthusiastically, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"

WELCOME

READINGS

NEWSLETTER

EVENTS

CONTACT

Our Lady of Grace Catholic Church

HUMOUR & FOOD FOR THOUGHT